Rites Of Spring

Random Netflix week continues! Today we feature Rites Of Spring. More after the jump.

Creature

We start off Random Netflix Week with "Creature(2011)". This movie is pretty much almost everything you'd think it is. A group of friends traveling down in the Bayou hear an old folk legend about a mysterious half man, half alligator (It's essentially the swamp version of bigfoot) that stalks the area in search of victims to feed on and a mate to quell his cold heart. The only notable actor in this movie is Sid Haig("House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects".) He plays pretty much the kind of character you would expect, for those of you who have seen those other 2 movies.

So what's to like about this movie?

Good looking women, boobs, some okay violence. The filming and cinematography of this movie is actually pretty good.

Really that's it? What's not to like?

The acting sucks big time! All of these actors are just terrible. The script writing isn't very good, so that's probably why, but still they suck. Also! I didn't know that "The Lizard" from the "Amazing Spider-Man". Was in this movie, because the creature in this movie looks exactly like him, the only difference is the costume looks better in this movie then in spider-man. For how bad and confusing this movie's plot twists if spider-man actually showed up I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

 This movie is pretty predictable to a point, where they throw this twist out of left field and you're left thinking "What the fuck just happened? No they didn't just..... THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!"

Why does Netflix rate this 3 and a quarter stars out of 5?

Your guess is as good as mine. These guys must have no good sense of what good movies are and what bad movies are, because clearly this movie is worse then eating Denny's after a night of being severely intoxicated.

Netflix is also a movie streaming system and will make all their movies look good, so people will watch them. So honestly what do you expect?

Is there anything that could have made this movie better?

Well part of the problem that makes this movie so bad, is that there is a lot going on. If it was more like "Lake Placid" and less like the movie it is then maybe it might have given it a little bit more. I won't give away any spoilers just incase anyone watches this, but there's this incestuous side story to it, which just throws a wrench in the whole movie. I also think if the director did his homework a little bit more and maybe watched "Creature From the Black Lagoon" it could have worked a lot better. Oh well.

Final Thoughts?

Hang on a sec, I'm just finishing a *grunting in the background, followed by a toilet flushing* Sorry you were mentioned something about final thoughts about this film?

This gets 1.75 Capt'n Spaulings out of 5.

Here is the trailer

Random Netflix Week!

This upcoming week at the scroll, we shall feature our next themed week. It is Random Netflix Week. We have taken 5 movies which we will watch and review and tell you, if its worth your time, or worth an aneurysm. We just selected them randomly, so we have no idea how good or bad they are.

If you would like to request a theme week, let us know on Facebook, or simply comment on here.

STAY TUNED!!

Chernobyl Diaries

Welcome back fellow Acolytes of horror. Today we have Bradley Parker's "Chernobyl Diaries". This film was released in May of 2012, so its still relatively recent. This story was drawn up and produced by "Paranormal Activity's" Oren Peli and like his paranormal counterpart this movie has a very familiar feel to it.

What is the plot?

Well six tourists who travel to the Ukraine are brought together for an "extreme excursion". A visit to the town of Pripyat. A small little city right outside of Chernobyl, where reactor number four exploded and vapourized the area, leaving it a radioactive ghost town.

Does this offer us anything we haven't seen before?

Well not so much. It is different from "Paranormal Activity" but not so different that you can't tell its not the same creator..... Wait does that make sense?........OK yeah it does.  

What could you relate it to?

It's pretty much Paranormal Activity, Resident Evil and the Descent, rolled into one. 

What did I like?

I liked a lot about this movie actually. The cinematography in this movie is great. I watched the blu ray version of this film and the quality is really well done. There is a really nice flow from the beginning of this movie to the end. The change in mood in particular. The movie starts off really happy and positive, there is a scene about 20 mins in that has no volume, other then the music in the background. The camera pans around the characters and showcases a really strong positive mood.

The movie then gradually gets darker and darker, to the point where its quite frantic and horrific. This film is also not done in the first person camera style, which is a nice change from these usual type of films. You can see more of the third person perspective, but it still keeps the intensity that the first person brings.

The acting in this movie is also really good, because its believable and comes across very natural and doesn't feel forced or overdone.

Lastly the intensity and horror aspect of this film like many of it's type are done well. This movie will keep you going and not bore you.

Ok so what is not so positive?

Well the problem with these type of movies is that they are a bit on the predictable side. This one unfortunately does fall victim to that. From the beginning you can probably guess what is going to happen. It doesn't take away from the entertainment, but it does from the suspense and plot.

Is it Scary?

I can imagine people in a movie theatre jumping out of their seats a few times. I'd say its reasonably unnerving, but because of the predictable plot, the scary moments themselves are also a bit predictable.

Final Thoughts?

This movie is worth seeing. Unfortunately it is not on the Canadian netflix, so you will have to either stream it somewhere else or pick it up on dvd/blu ray. My copy was only $15 so if you got nothing better to get for that much, then it might be worth it. If you like the "Paranormal Activity" series alone, this will be worth it for you. Also if you are a fan of "The Descent" then you should also like this.

4/5 Blown up reactors 

Here is the trailer:

Movie Review: Mama

Mama (2013)
100 mins

Oh Mama!

Mama is a feature version of a short which you will be able to see at the bottom of this review. Generally speaking, most things with Guillermo Del Toro's name on it is a pretty safe bet. Is that the case here? More after the jump.

Nazi Horror Finale: Nazi's at the center of the earth (Video Review)

[Commentary / You'll Never See] - Well here is our first video review. Please keep in mind this was all for fun, it was put together in about an hour and obviously poorly edited. We just wanted to have some fun, hope you watch it!

They Saved Hitler's Brain

**** Disclaimer: This blog nor its writers support Nazism and this review is purely for shits and giggles****

Welcome back to Nazi horror week here at the scroll. We give you our 4th movie of the week David Bradley's "They Saved Hitler's Brain". I tell you its a real big shame they won't be able to save mine after watching this scheise! But more on that in a moment. I think you can tell simply by the photo above that this movie is absolutely ridiculous. So this movie was made in 1963 and much like "Outpost: Black Sun". It stars a bunch of people you couldn't give 2 shits about.

What the hell is this about?

So apparently if you read the back of the dvd box it says the plot is about  how Hitler had a hidden agenda to maintain his life by preserving his brain, or well actually his entire head. Also he plots to release a deadly nerve gas which will wipe out all the allies and win the war. 

Ok so doesn't sound too bad right? Ok the whole saving his brain bit is pretty silly but, releasing a deadly nerve gas and wiping out everyone is pretty diabolical! So let me tell you something. This main plot is not part of the movie until after about 45 mins in. I'm serious! The first half of this movie, has some completely different story going on and a whole different set of characters! The last 45 mins is the actual movie that we're suppose to be watching..... It's like they took 2 movies and cut them in half and put them together.

How is the movie visually?
Fucking terrible that's how! First of all I've seen movies from the 1930's that look better then this malarkey. This movie is 1963 and the version I watched was remastered too. I'd hate to see the original version cause I bet it looks even worse. there's a car chase scene in the movie which was done so bad, the camera is zooming in and out and moving around, I thought I was going to puke! Not every part of the filmography was bad but most of it was.

You were saying something about 2 movies put together?
Yes! Ok the first 45 mins was about these 2 investigators or reporters or whatever they were and they were looking for some top secret plans, supposedly I think it was suppose to be the plans detailing what Hitler had done, but they don't mention that and the Nazi's you see in the first part of the movie look like mobsters! I thought it was like a gangster movie or something. So after that it shifts to the actual movie with a completely different set of characters then who started off in the movie. It kind of reminded me of an Ed Wood movie except, he actually keeps me interested and his movies were so bad they are entertaining. Honestly you could fast forward through the first 45 mins and watch from there and it would be better, but unfortunately not by much.

What was the worst thing about this movie?

Well aside from everything and how boring this movie was, the parts where they get to having Hitler's head in the movie almost made me fall out of my chair. So his head is sitting on top of what looks to be an easy bake oven or the bat computer, you can decide. He's got this glass dish over top and all you see him doing is rolling his eyes around making these stupid looks and OH OH OH! When he does speak, he sounds like one of those Nazi troops from Wolfenstein! "Schooschtofl!" I think they might have even used that voice for those characters.

Here's a scene that describes what I'm talking about

Ok so would anyone like this? Is there anything to like?

I like Ed Wood movies, but I just couldn't get into this. It had some neat classic horror music in it which was cool and I think they were trying to go for a an old 30's style horror movie, but this thing just flops.

I won't watch this again and wouldn't recommend this to anyone. Do yourself a favour, if someone asks you "Have you seen They Saved Hitler's Brain?" Just reply "yep" So it can't be recommended to you.

Final Thoughts?

Dieser film ist krank! Es ist scheise!

(This film is sick!)     (It is shit!)

Trailer:      

Oh by the way this movie is also called "Madmen of Mandoras"

0.5 Hitler heads out of 5