Friday, February 1, 2013

Area 407

Here we have our final review of Random Netflix Week Dale Fabrigar and Everette Wallin's "Area 407". This movie has 2 directors?! No wonder it sucks, but we'll get to that in a sec. This movie was released in 2012 and was never a blip on the radar screen, for good reason.

This was actually going to be a video review but I had to get a new neck so I've decided to type this up instead. 


What's the plot?
Well after surviving a plane crash in the middle of nowhere, a group of people must find a way to get help  and back into town. Meanwhile one of the other filmmakers must have had a brain fart because he was like " Well lets make it so they have to escape from a............. Wait for it.................. Wait for it......... A FUCKING DINOSAUR! Are you serious?! Well I suppose this is definitely a horror movie alright, I'm scared to give this movie anymore of my time.

I slept with the director and look where it's gotten me!

Clearly it sounds like there's a lot to not like about this movie.
Clearly. It's basically 90 minutes of little girls screaming. I thought I was going to go deaf! The chic in the picture up there, is the most annoying fucking brat, you learn to hate her right off the bat. The characters are all forgettable, except for this bitches whining of course. I wasn't a fan of the fact it was filmed via handheld camera either. Don't get me wrong I like movies like that, but this one I didn't know was going to be that way and I wasn't in the mood for it, not too mention its quite disorienting at times. 

It looks like someone took the poopiness of "Jurassic Park 2" and the disorienting camera of "Cloverfield" mashed them together and added a plane crash. Oh wait don't forget the military cover up. 

Isn't that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford?

Would this movie scare anyone?
Anyone who is afraid of crashing in a plane and then having to escape dinosaurs. 

Is there anything positive going for this?
The best part of this movie is the end, too bad it takes 89 minutes to get there!
The use of blood in the movie was alright.
There is some suspense to it.

Who would you recommend this to?
Anyone who just survived a plane crash.
Anyone who is terrified of flying.
Anyone who has too much time on their hands.

Who would you not recommend this to?
Anyone who is not listed in the above.

Final thoughts?
Instead of having these people survive a plane crash and run from dinosaurs, I would have made them survive a dinosaur crash and then have to run away from airplanes. Then for no reason it turns into space porn.

Just because you could make a movie about anything, doesn't mean you should.

Netflix Week, gets 2/5 in terms of good movies to bad ones. If you don't know what you're watching I'd say those are the odds you will find a good movie to watch on Netflix.

2/5 Yoshi's pooping an egg

Here's the trailer! 

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